Puppy buyer etiquette
by JOANNA KIMBALL, Ruffly Speaking Photography, on April 26, 2009
I am posting this
specifically because I do NOT have any puppies here now, and don’t anticipate
any for a while. So you know that I’m not singling any real person out. This is
because it seems that there’s a lot of confusion about the whole “proper” way
to go about things. So, puppy buyers and anyone else thinking about maybe someday
approaching a good breeder about a puppy, here you go:
1) STOP LOOKING FOR
A PUPPY. The classic mistake puppy buyers make is saying “I need a puppy at the
beginning of the fall” or whatever it may be. So they go out looking for
litters due in August.
BAD IDEA.
Puppies are not
interchangeable; one is not the same as the others. This is largely because
every breeder has their stop-the-presses criteria for breeding or not breeding,
and each has preferences for size, personality, working ability, etc. Breeder
X’s “perfect puppy” is not the same as Breeder Y’s.
Stop looking for a puppy; look for a
BREEDER. Make a personal connection with a breeder you feel shares your
top criteria, and then wait for a puppy from them. Maybe they even have a
litter on the ground, which is wonderful, but maybe they’re not planning
anything for a few months. Or maybe they’re not planning anything for a year;
in that case, ask for a referral to another breeder that shares those same
priorities and has a similar (or just as good) personality and support ethic.
However it works out, screen the breeder first, then
ask about a puppy.
1b) EXPECT TO WAIT
FOR A PUPPY. It’s VERY rare to wait less than a couple of months; four to six
is normal. I’ve waited a year on a couple of occasions; no, even we breeders
don’t walk through the field, able to pick puppies like tulips. We ALL have to
wait, and we ALL have to get matched up by the puppies’ breeder.
2) INTRODUCE
YOURSELF THOROUGHLY. The initial e-mail should be several paragraphs long; block
out at least an hour of quiet for the first phone call. When you initiate
contact, clearly communicate three things: You are ready for a puppy, you are
ready for a puppy of this breed, and you understand what sets this breeder
apart from the others and you share that commitment. Specifically describe your
plans for this puppy; be truthful. If you are not going to be able to go to
four training classes a year, SAY SO. Don’t say “Of course, training is a huge
priority around here,” or you’re going to end up with a puppy who’s flushing
your toilet sixty times a day because he’s so bored and you’re not challenging
him.
The ideal first
contact e-mail usually goes something like
“Hi, my name is X
and I’m writing to inquire about your dogs. I’ve been doing a lot of research
on [breed] and I think they’re the right one for me because of [these four
reasons.] I know puppies are a huge commitment, and I am planning to
[accommodate that in various ways.] I’m approaching you in particular because
of your interest in [whatever,] which is something I feel is very important and
plan to encourage in [these three ways.]”
That’s the kind of
e-mail that gets a response, and usually pretty quickly. If I get something
that says “I hear you have puppies on the way; how much?” it goes in the recyle bin before you can blink.
2a) Bring up price
either at the end of the first contact (if it’s been successful and you feel a
connection to this person) or in a follow-up contact. It’s nice to say “If you
don’t mind me asking, about how much are [breed]s in
this area, if there is a typical price? I just want to be prepared.” The
breeder will usually give you two pieces of useful information: Her price, and
the median prices around you. That way, if you decide to go a different way,
you know about what to expect. If the second person you contact names a price
that’s double the median, try to discreetly find out why. A very difficult
pregnancy, nationally ranked parents, a surgical AI, c-section
resulting in very few live puppies, those are some reasons a breeder could be
asking more and it’s reasonable. If there’s no real difference from the other
breeders except price, think carefully.
3) BE WILLING TO BE
TOLD NO. Not every person is the right match for every breed. That’s just fact.
There is no way on earth I could make our home appropriate for a Malamute
puppy, and I’d have to lie through my teeth to get approved for one. And I have
my entire life devoted to keeping dogs happy. I don’t expect you to have
anywhere close to the obsession I have, so that means there will be some dogs
that are just plain wrong for you. If a breeder says no, ask why. If the
answers make sense, don’t keep calling people until you finally get one who
will sell you a puppy of that breed. Go back to the drawing board and be very
humble and honest with yourself about what kind of dog really would be right
for you and your family.
4) PLEASE DO NOT
GET ON MORE THAN ONE WAITING LIST unless you are VERY honest about it. This
goes back to rule 1. You need to understand that we think our puppy buyers are
just as in love with the puppies as we are. We’re posting pictures, writing up
instructions, burning CDs, researching everything from pedigrees to nail
grinding, all so we can hand off this puppy, this supreme glorious creature of
wonderfulness, with the absolute maximum chance that it will lead a fabulous
life with you, and we’ve built all kinds of air castles in our heads about how
happy this puppy will be, and what it will do in its life with you, and so on.
Finding out that you had your name on four lists shows that you don’t realize
that puppies are not packages of lunch meat, where getting one from Shaws is basically the same as getting one from Stop and
Shop.
Also, as soon as
your name is on one of our lists, we’re turning away puppy buyers. If we’ve
sent ten people elsewhere because our list is full, and then suddenly you say
“Oh, yeah, I got a puppy from someone else,” it really toasts our bread. So
just BE HONEST. If someone came to me and said “I’m on a list with So and So,
but she’s pretty sure she won’t have a puppy for me, and I’d love to be
considered for one of your dogs and I’ll let you know just as soon as I know,”
I’m FINE with that. I understand how this goes. It’s not a disaster for me to
have a puppy “left over” at eight weeks because you ended up getting that So and So puppy; it’s just frustrating to have the rug
yanked out from under me.
5. PLEASE DO NOT
EXPECT TO CHOOSE YOUR PUPPY. This one drives puppy buyers CRAZY. I know this,
trust me. I have a lot of sympathy because I’ve been there. But the fact is
that when you come into my house and look at the eight-week-old puppies and one
comes up and tugs on your pant leg and you look at me, enraptured, and say
“THIS IS IT! He chose ME,” I’ve been looking at people coming into the house
all week, and every single time this same puppy has come up and tugged at them
and every single one of them have said to me “THIS IS IT!”
What you are seeing
is not reality. You are seeing the most outgoing puppy, or you’ve fallen in love
with the one that has the most white, or the one that has a different look from
the rest of the litter (when I had one blue girl puppy in a litter of black
boys, every human that came in the house wanted her; when I had one black girl
puppy in a litter of blue boys everyone kept talking about how much they loved
HER), or the one that’s been (accidentally) featured the most in the pictures
I’ve posted. Or, sometimes, you have a very good instinctive eye and you’re
picking the puppy that’s the best put together of the litter. And that puppy,
of course, is mine, and you’re going to have to pry him out of my cold dead
hands.
My responsibility
is not to make you happy. And that, dear friends, is why I am
posting this now, and not when I have a bunch of actual puppy buyers around . But it’s the truth. My responsibility is
to the BREED first. That’s why my first priority in placing puppies is the show
owners, because they are the ones that will (if all goes well) use this dog to
keep the breed going. It’s not that I like them better than I like you; it’s
that I have to be extremely careful who I place with them so that they can make
breeding decisions with the very best genetic material I can hand them. My
second responsibility is to the PUPPY. I will place each puppy where I feel
that it has the best chance of success and the optimal environment to thrive.
So while I do care,
and I will try to take your preferences into account,
do not expect to walk into my living room and put your hand in the box and pick
whatever puppy you want. And do not expect to be given priority pick because
you contacted me first; conversely, do not expect that because you came along
late you somehow won’t get a good puppy. Sometimes the person who calls me when
the puppies are seven and a half weeks old ends up with what I’d consider the
“pick” for various reasons (sometimes because somebody called me up and said
they’d gotten a puppy from someone else; see rule 4 above). I am going to try
to do my absolute best to match puppies to owners as objectively as I can, not
according to who called first.
When I was waiting
for Clue, I think I initially called Betty Ann six months before she was born.
I waited through two other litters, where Betty Ann thought she might have
something for me but then in the end told me no. Then I waited until 8 weeks
when she thought this one might really be the one, and then another two weeks
until she made her final picks and sent me a puppy. I was about ready to vomit
with the tension. I UNDERSTAND. But the rewards of waiting and being matched
with the right puppy are greater than any frustration with having to sit with
an empty couch for a few more months.
6) ONCE YOU GET
YOUR PUPPY, THERE WILL ONLY BE THAT PUPPY IN THE WHOLE WORLD. If you’ve been
sitting around with your fingers crossed saying “Please, Molly, please, Molly,
I only love Molly,” and I say “I really think Moe is the one for you,” you’re
probably going to feel disappointed. But take Moe and go sit on the couch, and
put your finger in her mouth, and realize that she has a really cool white toe
on one foot but none of the other feet have white toes, and let her try to find
a treat in your pocket, and I guarantee you by the time you’re five minutes out
of my driveway Moe will be YOUR puppy. And a year later you may remember that
you thought Molly was so pretty, but Moe… well, Moe could practically run the
Pentagon she’s so smart, and her face turned out MUCH more beautiful than
Molly’s did. And so on.
7) PLEASE FINISH
THE ENCOUNTER WITH ONE BREEDER BEFORE BEGINNING ONE WITH ANOTHER. If you end a
conversation with me saying “Well, this just all sounds wonderful, and I’m
going to talk it over with my wife and we’ll call you about getting on your
waiting list,” and then you hang up and call the next person on your list,
that’s not OK. If you don’t feel like you click with me, or you want to keep
your options open, a very easy way to say it is to ask for the names and
numbers of other breeders I recommend. That way I know we’re not “going
steady,” and I won’t pencil you in on my list. If you are on my waiting list,
and you decide that you don’t want to be anymore, call me AS SOON AS YOU KNOW
and say “Joanna, I’m so sorry, but our life has gotten a little crazy and I
need to be taken off the puppy list.” And I make sympathetic noises and take
you off. If, then, you decide you want to get a different
puppy, be my guest. Just keep me apprised and
let me close off my commitment to you before you open it with another breeder.
…Which brings us to
something that is super important and most puppy people don’t realize:
8 ) EVERY BREEDER KNOWS EVERY OTHER BREEDER. Now of course I don’t
mean the bad breeders, but the show breeding community is VERY small and VERY
close-knit. If you’ve been on my list for three months, I’ve kept in contact
with you, I think you’re getting a puppy from me, I’m carefully considering
which one to sell you, and finally I match you with a puppy when they’re eight
weeks old, and THEN you e-mail me and say “Sorry, I got a puppy from Arizona, bye,”
my instant reaction isn’t going to be “Oh noes!” My instant reaction is going
to be “From Jill?” I probably e-mail Jill several times a year, if not several
times a month, and I’m probably going to pick up the phone in the next sixty
seconds and say, “Did you just sell a puppy to Horace Green from Topeka? Did
you know that he put himself on my waiting list three months ago and has been
saying all along how excited he is?” And two minutes after that she’ll get a
call from Anne in Oregon and Anne will say “Did you just sell a puppy to Horace
Green from Topeka? He’s been feeding me lines for eight weeks! I had a puppy
ready to go to him next week!”
And we will take
your name in vain, Horace Green from Topeka, and Jill will feel bad that she
sold you a puppy, and oh the bad words we will say. And Horace Green from
Topeka will be a topic of conversation at the next Nationals, and t-shirts will
be made that say “DON’T BE A HORACE,” and someone will
name their puppy Horrible Horace and everyone will get the joke and laugh.
In the end, “Be
excellent to each other,” as Bill and Ted so correctly ordered us, is pretty
much the paradigm to follow. If you err, err on the side of this being a
relationship, not a transaction. Try to act the way you would with a good
friend, not with an appliance salesman. And the ending will
be as happy for you as it is happy for us.
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